Today, I am older than my mum. I have been approaching this particular anniversary of her death with a little trepidation. And since recently getting a taste for writing, I decided it was time to write some things about the long and winding road that is coming to terms with grief, especially when it comes to losing a parent.
Today, I am older than my mum. There. I said it again. Out loud. Phew. From now on, I will begin to look older than her in photos. Her image, frozen in time and burned into the photo bank in my brain will slowly become a little odd as I realise my face has become more creased than hers, my hair just that little more flecked with grey. The course I’ve been on to turn ever more into her image will now reverse. Family members will finally get an idea of what she may have looked like as she got older.
And there it is. The reason I do not regret my fine lines or first grey hairs. For growing old is a privilege denied many. I will embrace it and welcome it. For my mother never got to experience it, and I owe it to her to take it in my stride and be thankful that I have the opportunity to experience my mid and late 30s and beyond.
Writing this blog has become a place where I can share some thoughts on decisions I have made in my life (being tee-total), emotional journeys I have been on (to find body and face confidence) and experiences I have had (living in a refugee camp in the Sahara Desert) all of which may be of interest or use to people reading this. But now I’m taking it somewhere a little deeper (and scarier for me as a writer, publishing this), but hopefully it holds some advice for those in a similar place, who have lost someone they love.